Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
