After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
