If that was your dad, he is hot
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
