did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
