Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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