ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize