My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
