Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize