I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
