Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
