are you still at the devil's house?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Pooping to opera.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
