and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize