Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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