Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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