Just cropdusted the office
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
