9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
