how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
