genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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