My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
