She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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