Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
