While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
