Acid is not a monday night drug
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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