I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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