I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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