So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
