You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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