Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
