he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize