she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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