whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
