i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
