just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
