I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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