Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
