she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
