I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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