kristin has been a bad kristin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
