is your mom at the bar?
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
