We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
