There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
