He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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