I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
