If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
