Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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