It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
