Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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