11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
