ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
