i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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