I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He felt like a one man threesome
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
