i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
