What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
