Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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