no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you made out with another girl for some wings
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize