Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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