I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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