dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
