Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
