Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
