I think my vagina is haunted
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
