We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
