Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
