I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
