If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
BRING THE BAGELS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
