Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
