You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
