why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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