Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
