its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize