I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
