the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
