And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
