He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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