At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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