I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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