My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
