the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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