I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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