I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
