Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She's JV to your varsity
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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