I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
