Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
